Pink Streak

So we've been going through Spring/Summer clothes, which the girls get so excited about.  I pull out Holly's tub, which has 2 tutus (one black, one pink) with LOTS of fluff, sparkles, and frill.  

I know once she sees them that she will be thrilled and want to wear them to school tomorrow.  

So we have this conversation about how tomorrow is a gym day - tennis shoes. Holly knows this and hears me say it 3 more times.  I guess she never heard me say "Not tomorrow, it's a gym day."  Actually, she has selective hearing.  She only hears what she wants to hear.  She might get some of that from her mother, and maybe some of that from her father.

It's Thursday morning... GYM day.  I'm getting ready for work and we're ready to head out the door.  I'm thinking, "Where's Holly?"  As I sit on the couch, I notice a flash of pink run past the doorway in my bedroom.  "Holly?"  No answer.  "Holly, answer me."  "You're gonna yell at me."  Okay, so now I know, she is definitely wearing the tutu.  "I know what you're wearing.  Come out here."  Pink tutu, pink tennis shoes, and too-tight pink T-shirt.  I'm thinking, We need to leave.  How badly do I want to do this battle?  So I compromise.  "Ok, you can wear the tutu with the tennis shoes, but you have to get a different shirt."  She's happy.  I'm happy.  We're actually NOT late!  

Now all I have to worry about is another battle, very soon, as I obviously did not stick to my guns this time.  Oh...

Tomorrow Will Be Better

Tonight I was talking to a mom who seemed very frustrated.  She had a rough day.  She had a to-do list a mile long and nothing seemed to go right from the get go.  Her kids would usually nap well for her, and of course, today they didn't.  I could see myself in her.  She was so frustrated, tired, and wondering if she'd ever get back to feeling like herself again.  She's nursing a baby yet, and she was worrying about her post-pregnant figure.  Don't we all?  After she had finished nursing her first child, she was just beginning to feel herself again and she found she was pregnant again.

Been there.

And I get it.

I had two thoughts for her.  First.  You are beautiful.  None of us feel that we are after having been through close pregnancies and never getting back down to the size we were when we started.  Then we fear that it just might not be possible anymore.  But as I stood there, I kept thinking, you are beautiful.  You just don't know.  There is a different kind of beauty that you have when you are a mother.  The way you love, sacrifice, and give, that makes you so much more beautiful than you'll ever be without having done so.  I look at moms around me and I'm in awe.  There's a real beauty there.  And you can't get it by standing in front of a mirror.

The second thought for her was.... It will be better tomorrow.  I know you have days when you feel like you've accomplished nothing, or nothing you did really mattered.  It did. The diapers you changed, the hug you shared, the "good morning, I'm so happy to see you" smile, the clothes you washed, the books you read, the meals you prepared.  It matters. And tomorrow will be better.  Tomorrow you just might have a chance to notice those perfect little hands, kiss that soft cheek, and thank God for the blessings He gave you.

One Hour in Eucharistic Adoration

I have a close friend who shared with me how attending 1 hour a week in Eucharistic Adoration changed her perspective on something very personal.  She said that within time, she began to ask herself, "Why couldn't I have another child for Jesus?  Why am I holding back?  Am I doing so for selfish reasons?"  As time passed, she and her husband opened their hearts, and God blessed them with 2 more babies, both of which she lost to miscarriages a few months apart.  Her courage and grace really touched me. There are many women who never look at it that way... have another child for Jesus.  She is an inspiration to me, and I know her family is so greatly blessed to have those beautiful babies in heaven, interceding for them. When we were talking about all of this, she brought up a book that was great encouragement for her. I read it a few years ago, "Life-Giving Love", by Kimberly Hahn.  After talking with her, I went to the library and checked it out again.  This is what I read today... (it is written by a woman, named Mary, and it is about her parents).
       
I can never thank them enough for all they have provided me: food, shelter, clothing, a two-parent household, a mom to stay home with me, a Catholic Education, a great faith, and twelve best friends that will be there for me the rest of my life.  The best gifts my parents could give us children, besides our faith, were siblings.  For when the entire world is against you, your family will always be there to support, help, guide, protect, and love you.

To my parents - Thank you.  I have been graciously blessed.
To my siblings - Even when the world is against you, I am for you!

And He Gave Us the Blessing

Have you ever heard Josh Groban sing, “O Holy Night?”  I have watched his video on YouTube several times.  The video is from the movie, “The Nativity Story,” which I watched when it first came out, and honestly, haven’t seen it since.  I’m not sure why I haven’t watched it again.  I loved it the first time.  Anyway, watching this video, while listening to Josh Groban sing, “O Holy Night” makes me cry.

Jesus is born, and Joseph weeps.  His shoulders were heaving; his body trembling.  I thought to myself, “Why is he weeping?”  Perhaps he was relieved, as fathers are, when their wife’s labor is finally over and the baby is born healthy.  But maybe it was more than that.  Maybe he was feeling in awe of this task that God had asked him to do for Him.   Maybe he was honored that God would ask him to be a part of this glorious act of love, bringing his Son into the world, even though he would have to sacrifice so much.  Perhaps Joseph was overwhelmed by the greatness of God, who fulfilled the words that he spoke to him long ago.  Perhaps he, himself was so moved as he gazed upon this child and he knew, he knew in that moment that this indeed was the Son of God.

And then Joseph looks at Mary with this look of pure gratitude.  His tears and his expression seem to say, “Thank you.”  Mary must’ve been so scared.  I myself have felt that way, with labor looming in front of me, wondering if I can really do this.  Yet at that moment, Mary looks as any new mother does, filled with  supernatural peace and joy as her months of sacrifice have come to fruition and she holds this new life in her arms; a miracle, every time. 

And then the kings come to Mary, who is holding Jesus in her arms, and they bow before their new king, this little child, and Mary watches this, saying nothing.  She already sees how the life of this child will be so very different than anything she could ever have imagined.  Have you ever felt like your own life is so different than you could ever have imagined?  Perhaps that is a good thing.

I guess I feel a little like Mary sometimes: uncertain, unable to see the future, and somewhat afraid.  But sometimes I feel strong enough to turn over my will in order to complete God’s will for my life.  I have heard that that is the best way to find peace in your life, when you are willing to live according to God’s will for you.  But what does he will for you? 

Doug and I are expecting our seventh child.  Many people say to us, “I don’t know how you do it.”  Honestly, I don’t either.  I feel like we are no more patient or kind than the next person.  We love each of our children dearly.  A few weeks ago, a friend of mine was talking about big families.  She is an only child.  She was wondering how the grandparents of so many children could possibly know them all.  She wasn’t saying this in a bad way.  She just didn’t seem to understand.  I thought about this for a while because it bothered me.  I know a family with 10 children, and they have close to 50 grandchildren, and yes, I know that they know each and every one of those grandkids.  How?  Love multiplies.   

This has been a different kind of a year for me.  I’ve been very concerned about some medical things that I’ve been experiencing.  We’ve been to several funerals.  Some close friends have been dealing with some very tough issues.  And sometimes, through my discouragement, I have held on to unnecessary fears, and it has made me feel like God is so far away.  But in fact, he has been right here.  I have felt Him even more through the people who love us.  

When we shared the news that we were expecting again, my brother, Jeff, told me that this was a tremendous opportunity to minister to others.  Despite my fears and worries, what he said really touched me.  Some friends at work, upon hearing the news, gave me a hug that seemed to last forever.  My Dad said, “There is no greater blessing.”  Two of my close friends cried when they hugged and congratulated me.  My aunts, sisters, and sister-in-law cried with me while I shared the story of how I found out.  I went to get an MRI, to check into some medical issues that were puzzling me.  Of course, I was worried about the MRI.  You cannot get an MRI when you are pregnant.  Although I was sure that wasn't the case, I had some blood work done first, just to make sure.  I’m looking at the MRI sign thinking “This could change my life forever”, and the sign for Lab Work (where I had just taken a pregnancy test), thinking “Either one could change our lives forever.”   

And God gave us the blessing. 

No matter how inadequate, unequipped, and unable we feel, I am so glad that God feels we are worthy and able to have another child for him.  So we are thankful for this blessing, even though it comes at an unexpected time.  As the bank account is never large enough, the car is certainly not big enough, and the house feels too small as well.  But God has planned this for us, right now, and so we thank Him, for His will is greater than ours. 

Love Does - by Bob Goff

My sister gave me this book as a gift.  I read it and was frustrated with a few parts, only because the things that the author was able to do, were not even a remote possibility for me.  But the message of the book became planted deep inside me and every once in a while, I see how it is taking root in my life.

Love Does.  You love by doing.

My favorite memory of last week's camping trip was the family game of kickball.  Almost everyone played.  I laughed so hard that I almost peed in my pants.  Had to cross my legs so I wouldn't .  It was just so much fun.  My sister-in-law and I exchanged glances, a smile, and a laugh as we watched her husband running the bases like a lunatic.  I thought to myself, "I don't think I've ever seen him run."  And he was running so fast.  I didn't know he had a competitive side.  I bet there's a lot of things I don't know about him, and the rest of my family.  Oh, it was so much fun!  The kids could have played all by themselves, but what fun is that?

Today when we were at the pool, instead of sitting on the edge of the baby pool, talking with the moms the entire time, I hopped in and caught Libby what felt like a million times down the slide.  I listened to her squeal with laughter.  I had bought an inner tube for her for the first time.  She was thrilled as she learned she could jump in all by herself without me catching her.  Four of the children did cannonballs off the edge of the pool.  They giggled and laughed.

Then Brooke took Libby to the park, and I watched Will as he learned to go off the dives for the first time by himself.  He  had just learned to swim.  I could see that sense of freedom and that thrill of learning something new.  It's been so long myself, that I forgot what that felt like.  I could see it on Will's face.  I loved every moment of it.  It brought me back.  And because Love Does, I got up on the big dive and raced Will into the pool.  I forgot what it felt like to jump high into the air and feel that flop in my stomach as I wondered when I would touch the water.  I attempted the old back flip that I used to do every day as a child at the pool.  Oh my gosh, it took me back, to what it felt like to be kid.  Amazing!  Love Does.  Thank you for that sweet message, God.  When I get up and do something with my kids, it's so much better than just watching.

When we got home, Will said to me, "Mom, today at the pool, that was AWESOME when you went off the dives."  He said it just like that, with capital letters.

Today I thought, "How blessed am I that I am even able to do these things with my children...and so I'm going to keep working on "Love Does".

You Are a Good Mom

A few months ago I read this book called, "Hands Free Mama".  It spoke to me in a million different ways.  I could totally relate to the author's feelings of inadequacy.  I want to share with you one of my favorite parts of the book.  If you are a Mom, I think you can totally relate to this.  Perhaps it will help you to remind yourself of who you are. 


The story began with the author telling about a devastating tornado that ripped through their hometown.  It killed 316 people in their state 10 months before and everyone was on edge whenever bad weather went through.  It happened to be an evening where severe weather was predicted.  That evening, she and her husband discussed whether it would be okay to put their daughters to sleep upstairs, and because the severe weather had headed north of them, they decided to put their girls to bed.  So she tucked them in bed, watched them go to sleep, and then tiptoed down the stairs.  When she got to the bottom of the steps, she froze in her tracks.  She couldn't move her feet.  She looked out the window and the trees were swaying violently.  She whispered to herself, "I can't stay downstairs."  Rationally, she knew everything was okay, because she had checked the radar, but her brain wouldn't let her go there.  So she went back upstairs and laid down next to her sleeping child.


She imagined every life-saving scenario in the event that a tornado would come.  Even if it meant that she would be blown up into a tornado's vortex, she would never once let go of her children.  If they were going to die, she was going to die with them.


It was at this moment that a divine whisper of affirmation popped into her head:


You are a good mom.
And then a little louder.
You are a good mom.


She began to cry.  As her tears dripped down on her daughter's pillowcase, she knew why those words touched her so much.  Because she didn't say them enough.  Truth be told, she found herself saying the exact opposite. 


The gentle voice inside of her that said, "You are a good mom,"  had more words to offer her.


So you aren't perfect.  You make mistakes and even some poor choices.  Some days your patience is too thin... some days you allow negative thoughts to silence thoughts of gratitude...some days you aren't the mom you want to be.


But hear this, and remember it:
When your children need defending, you defend.
When your children need comfort, you comfort.
When your children hurt, you hurt too.
And the reason you lie here wide awake when you could be sleeping soundly in your own bed is because you are willing to die for them.


So stop berating yourself.
Stop questioning yourself.
Stop shaming yourself.
And for God's sake, stop criticizing yourself.
Stop wondering if you are enough,
Because you are.
The fact that you have vowed to take on any monster of nature or human form that threatens your children overshadows the daily mistakes you make as a parent.


It is time to let go of the guilt and live each passing day knowing the love you have for your children is a life-sustaining positive that surmounts all other negatives.

I Broke the Law Today. ARGH!

I am so mad at myself.  I got a speeding ticket today.  It's been a long time since I've had one of those.  Let me back up a bit and explain how it all went down.


Doug left for a fishing trip on Thursday morning (today is Saturday).  I had a few things on the calendar that I planned to attend.  One of which was to go to Brooke's softball game at St. Marys.  If you are a mom with little children, you understand my dilemma.  I always hesitate to bring all the kids to the games/events because I don't know how long the kids will last.  I had no idea if St. Marys had a park for them to play at, or anything to keep them happy during the game.  My thoughts were to go and if someone had a meltdown, we could just leave and Brooke could find a ride home with someone else.  Positive thinking from the start... not so much.


One of my family members called and asked to ride along with me.  I was happy for the company, but worried about this car ride over.  I said, "Sure, if you don't mind riding with me and all of the kids."  It didn't sound like it was going to be a problem for her, but now I was worried. 


On the car ride over, the kids were having a grand ole time.  They were being rather loud.  They all have a good set of lungs, thanks to me.  Talking loudly, laughing, singing, etc... It all sounds great, but I was trying to converse with my family member and I could feel myself starting to get angry.  I couldn't even hear what she was saying, and I soon gave up on trying to have a conversation b/c I couldn't hear her!!!  After pleading with the kids for a while, I decided to threaten with a consequence.  "If you can't be more quiet, you are going to sit in the car for a while when we get there!"  Will didn't like this, and he was having a day where he just couldn't seem to behave.  More warnings and then... "Will, you owe me time in the car!"  To which he shouts "NO!"  Thank God we had just pulled in to the park, so I had the other kids get out of the car and walk to the diamond while I waited with Will.  He began screaming and throwing a fit.  He is on this kick where he yells "You are the meanest Mom in the world!  I hate you!"  I know that I need to nip that in the bud, but wouldn't you know, he says it when I'm away from home and my consequences are more limited. 


At this point, I'm picturing Ralphie (on the Christmas Story) with a bar of soap in his mouth.  No, I have never done that, but I've thought about it with Mr. Will.


After that, the game was pretty uneventful, but the next evening...


We went to the amphitheater to watch the Air Force Band.  It was difficult to watch the show because Will was running around on the concrete steps, climbing on rocks, which were part of their veterans monument, and walking away from the event that we came to see.  If it would've been just me there, I would've totally let him go because I know he has this extra pouch of energy and he seems to need to do these things.  But other people were trying to watch the show, not to mention, I'm sure they were worried about him running up and down those concrete steps.  (It's not that I don't care, but I know Will's limits.  He's an agile kid and I just know what he can and can't do... so I just don't get too worked up about the small stuff, usually.)  So I spent most of the evening trying to keep he and Libby happy.  I was just a little disappointed.  I always have these glorious images as to how each event is going to go and then it never works out that way, and then I'm sitting there watching the other kids who seem to be behaving wonderfully.  Isn't that how it always is.  You always notice the other kids who are so well behaved when your child is acting up.  Even though we all know, it could just as easily be them.


So, I'm getting to the point of my story.  On Saturday, I put Will and Libby down for a nap and left at 1:00 to go to JCPenneys to pick up a Father's Day gift for my hubby.  I was almost to St. Marys when my phone rings.  It's Brooke.  She was babysitting and she called to tell me that Will got up from his nap and won't go back to bed.  I know it's a normal thing, but I was so frustrated with him by this point.  So I'm telling Brooke what to do and I'm getting frustrated.  And as I'm getting frustrated, my foot is pressing harder on the gas pedal.  I'm not really noticing it at the time b/c I'm talking and thinking about what I'm going to do about that boy of mine!  So I hang up the phone and look down at my speedometer.  Wooooo, I was going 70 something!  So I pressed on my brake and what do you know, I look up and see a police car directly in front of me, with his stinking radar gun pointed right on me.  He did not waste a minute.  He turned those cherries on instantly and whipped around to my side of the road.  I wanted to SCREAM!   There was no arguing it.  I was totally speeding, and I really didn't even know why.  What the heck? 


When he came up to my car, he asked me where I was heading.... seriously... "JCPenney's".  Yeah - I just can't wait to get to JCPenney's and so I'm speeding.  What the heck!!!  I'm sitting there thinking... I'm an idiot.  God's teaching me a lesson.  I need to be more patient.  Why am I letting that little 4 year old boy get me so upset?  I love him so much.  But when he does those things that make no sense because he just can't help it, I don't know what to do with him.  I just don't understand little 4 year old boys.