Tonight I was thinking about how much I care about image. I think I can say that I'm like most people in that I like to look nice. When I don't... like when I have a bad hair day or a stinking zit on my face (yes - I still get them), it affects the way that I feel about myself throughout my day. Maybe not in a big way, but at least I think about. How stupid is this? I'll answer my own question. Very stupid.
I was talking to a friend at work a few weeks ago about "girly girls". I was talking about someone that I thought was in that category. My friend didn't say much of anything. I'm sure she thought I was a hypocrite.
My friend is a simple person. She always looks nice, but she wears little if any make-up. I've rarely seen her wear a piece of jewelry, and she doesn't use hairspray, either. I've never seen her wear high heels. There I stand, wearing make-up, of course, since I rarely go anywhere without it. I'm sure I had at least a few pieces of jewelry on, and I'm also positive that I was wearing perfume and sporting several spritzes, at minimum, of hairspray. I definitely do wear high heels at times, no matter how painful, because I love how they look with certain outfits. Sometimes I paint my nails. I even wear lipstick to work on occasion, and I have taken the time to reapply it a time or two.
I'm not saying that any of these things are wrong. I just think that it's wrong for me to dwell on superficial things, or to let it affect my day or how I feel about myself.
Gosh, I think I do dwell on these things sometimes. I can be rather self-conscious. Sometimes I'm not comfortable with who I am. I think this is why I care about image. How I'd really like to be free of this. Free of always comparing myself to others. I'd like to stop passing by the mirror noticing the things that I do or don't like about myself in comparison to others. Yuck!
Since then I've thought to myself. What do I think even qualifies someone as a "girly girl"? "What makes me different than one?" Well, actually, not much. I guess I don't like massages, pedicures, or manicures. But mostly because I don't want someone I don't know touching me. I don't like to spend a lot of money on clothes, although I do like to have nice clothes. Shopping is not one of my favorite activities. I don't fake bake. And... that's about it. Crap! I can't be a girly girl!
Saint Rose of Lima once rubbed her face with pepper till it was red and blistery because she feared that her beauty might be of temptation to someone. Let me tell you that I am not worried about that. Nothing tempting here. But I had this thought... what if I had been born hideous? How different would I be?
Would I see things differently. Would I see more with my heart. Perhaps I would be more able to love everyone, regardless of how they appear.
I have been asking myself this question: How do I treat others who look different, who are not clean, who smell bad? This is my current work in progress. And my prayer to get me started:
Lord, I seek to please you in all things. I ask that you make me humble and holy. Reveal to me the things that I desire which are not pleasing to you. And help me as I struggle to let go of those things. Open my heart so I can be free to love others as you have called me to love. May I be more like you, Jesus.
