Quit Stinkin' Thinkin'

This is me.  I know that there is a battle going on in my brain daily, and I am my own worst enemy.  I conjure up old memories and agonize over the wrong things that I have done, or the things that I wish I could do over.  I went to the prayer meeting on Monday evening and this was the line that really struck a chord, "Quit Stinkin Thinkin"!  I laughed out loud when I heard it.  This fits me perfectly.  I've been doing some "stinkin thinkin" lately.  On occasion, I drive myself crazy with my "stinkin thinkin".

So let me say before I go any further, please forgive me if I have ever offended you by the dumb things I have said without thinking.  I don't want to be that way, but I am.  I am so far from perfect.

So to humor you, I'm going to let you in on some of my recent "stinkin thinkin".  (Part of why I'm sharing this with you is so you will know you're not as bad as you thought you were!!)

     * One time my brother-in-law was venting to Doug about his job, and after listening, I blurted out, "I love my job".  (I know...great timing, great consideration.  Where's the love?)

     *Some of my high school girlfriends will remember this one.  One evening we were out at the bars, and I was already dating Doug at the time.  A guy or two hit on me that evening, probably not in a very appropriate way.  I was getting annoyed.  The next guy who said something to me really got it.  He just said something... I don't even remember what, actually I don't even think I heard him.  I turned around and said (and I'm really embarrassed to share this) "Run away squirrel!"  OMG - what was I thinking?  Turns out, this guy was just striking up conversation and he happened to be a very nice guy.  Me, not so nice.  The look on his face made me wish I could take it back a thousand times.  He was hurt. 

     * When I was younger and I worked at the Dairy Dream, we were always bustin' butt to get out of there on weekends so we could go out.  We had just closed up and there was a woman in the drive-thru with her 4 little boys.  She ordered cones for them.  I was so annoyed that she was there after closing time, but I made the cones.  When I brought them back to her, she said, "oh, I wanted them in cups".  I gave her a dirty look and spoke in an unfriendly tone.  I didn't realize till later, that she probably did order them in cups... I was just in too big of a hurry to get out of there, that I didn't bother to listen.  Selfish!!!

     * When I was in the 8th grade, our student council did a fundraiser for Valentine's Day.  You could order a flower and they would deliver it for you.  Most people did it anonymously.  There was this boy in my class who made fun of me all the time.  He made me so mad.  SO MAD!  I didn't realize till later, that that is an 8th grade boy's way of saying, "I like you."  Apparently he had ordered a flower for me and they came to deliver them during gym class.  I can't remember why, but I wasn't in class that day.  When they delivered flowers, they must've forgotten the one he ordered for me.  No big deal for most people, but he threw a fit in front of the whole class (or so I was told).  So now, everyone knew that he liked me.  I was so embarrassed when my friends told me this.  To top it off, he and his friend came up with a new nickname for me that day, "canyon."  Yes - we were in 8th grade.  It had something to do with my chest.(although I had nothing going on there whatsoever at that time... well, as a matter of fact, I still... um, never mind... not going there).  Anyway, I was livid by the end of the day.  We had lockers right next to each other.  I opened my locker, and the flower had arrived.  I was so mad that I grabbed that flower and walked over to the trash can and stuffed it in... right in front of him.  Then I stormed off.  I regretted that one immediately, too.  I think he forgave me, because he still had a crush on me in high school.  Poor guy. 


     I could go on and on. 

But there is an up side to these stories.  Through the "stinkin thinkin" discussion,  I have come to realize  that I am not defined by a few stupid things that I've said or done in my past.  That is not who I am.  That's why I need to leave it in the past.  When I stand before God, he is only going to see his daughter.  And He will love me the same as he loves you, your friend, the homeless guy, or the millionaire.  I know this even more, because I have children of my own.  It has really helped me to understand my relationship with God.  I love my children equally.  I will never stop loving them.  They cannot do things to make me love them more.  They cannot do things to make me love them less.  There will be times when I will be proud, and there will be times when I am disappointed.  But I will always love them the same.

Furthermore, love is not an emotion.  There are emotions attached to loving someone, but love itself is not an emotion.  Sometimes you do have to work at it.  But in perfect love, you can't just stop loving someone.  You just love them, because you do.  And God won't stop loving us.  He just loves us.  It's that simple.